"A Scathing Movie Review"

     I went to see a movie (my choice) with two of my girlfriends this evening: To the Wonder.  It's a wonder my friends are still speaking to me.  It's a wonder I didn't sleep through the whole thing.  (I actually wish I had.)  I am 50-something years old, and this was, literally, THE WORST movie I have ever seen.  I wish I had stayed home to write my paper that is due on Wednesday, or perhaps cleaned the bathroom, or maybe picnicked with my neighbors.  (Told you it was bad!  I wasn't kidding!).  It was so bad that the Digiplex Theater should have paid us to see it.  It was so bad, that I'd like to see the movie's director choose a new career path.  It was so bad, that I would rather have sat through a George Clooney movie.  (Anyone who knows me gets this.)

     About 2/3 of the way through the movie, the screen went black (one of the highlights of the film).  The disappointing aspect was that "The End" did not appear on the screen.  We were lulled into a false sense of security, and then the rug was pulled out from under us as the female lead reappeared onscreen.  

     Throughout the movie, she barely spoke.  We spent two hours watching her, and the other equally boring characters,   walking.  I haven't seen that much walking since the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  When she wasn't walking, she was twirling, in a demented, childlike dance. I leaned over and asked my girlfriend "who does that?".  She didn't know either.  

     My movie buff son warned me about this movie.  He knows my taste in film, and didn't think I would like it.  I should have listened to him.  Next time, I'll know better.