"Bittersweet"

    I long for a past
    Forever out of my grasp.
    Disappointed the days of my youth
    Did not last.
                                                          

"Single serving frying pan"    

     I bought this little frying pan today to take with me to my new apartment, where I will be living alone for the first time ever.  In a way, I am excited by the prospect.  I am looking forward to decorating my apartment in a very "girlie" fashion, with hearts and flowers everywhere.  I will have no one to clean up after (except Buddy), the bathroom will always be free, and I will have an abundance of space which is all mine.  However, as I prepare for the next chapter in my life, I can't help but ponder the sorrow of life. I was blessed with three beautiful baby boys, whom I love with all of my heart.  The sad part is that they evolved into men more quickly than I ever could have imagined.  My mother used to say that "the days are long, but the years go by fast".  I didn't understand that when my children were young.  I understand only too well now.  There were days when I was so tired, I couldn't hold my head up, yet I had to stay awake to care for the children.  Those days seemed so long.  As did the days after I walked the floor all night with a crying baby.  Oh, but what wouldn't I give to have even a day or an hour holding those precious babies in my arms.  My little boys, whom I read to, took to parties, and the movies, are now a distant memory, captured only in pictures for me to remember.  They are now men, living their own lives.
     I don't look at old pictures too often anymore.  It only makes me long for a past that is forever out of my grasp.  This new chapter, to me, is a true depiction of bittersweet.  A new life, filled with promise and opportunity, has had its price.  I've had to let go, as we all do, of my old life.