"Crickets"

If I were a drinker

You know what I think?

I’d drink and I’d drink

Till I could no longer think

I’d drink till I fell 

Flat out on the floor

Then I’d pick myself up 

And start drinking some more.

     Each time I go on a job interview, I obtain a business card from each interviewer so that I may send the subsequent, requisite, thank you note.  I have now accumulated enough cards to play Canasta. 

     Part of the job search dilemma is that the lack of success slowly erodes a person's self confidence. I began feeling as if I need to know that I can at least land a job, any job. In my state of desperation, I applied to Dunkin Donuts. Crickets. That little ploy certainly backfired. Even Dunkin Donuts won't have me. They must know I drink Starbucks! Maybe I should put in an application there...

     I know who will be disappointed when I finally do land a job-the people at Dress Barn.  I have invested a small fortune in interview appropriate clothes.  I made a dash over there today to buy some black slacks and another jacket.  I now have the best dressed closet in town.  

     Come to think of it, Dress Barn is hiring...

   

"League of Unconventional Students"

    

     The number of page views on my blog decreases with every passing day.  I realize that, partially at least, I am to blame.  I haven’t been writing as many posts as I had been previously, which I attribute to my unemployment induced depression.  Aside from that, I imagine that a large portion of my potential audience doesn’t even know what a blog is, and even if they did, navigation to the site may prove problematic for them.  Therefore, I have been pondering creative ways that I may induce people to find their way to my blog, even if it’s purely by accident. 

     The first idea I came up with was to add pictures, once my technologically challenged brain figured out how to do that.  On a number of my posts, I have a variety of snapshots of me, Buddy, books, and even some favorite foods.  I have received lots of positive feedback…from my friends and family.

     The second idea I had was to mention “Baby Boomers”, since that is who this blog is really geared to. I did that a few weeks ago, and, so far, no good.

     The other idea I had was to rename the blog as follows: “L.U.ST.”, which is an acronym for “League of Unconventional Students”.  That catchy title would probably get some attention, but may attract the wrong kind of reader,. That being said, I really like the name of my blog.  Combine that with my prudish nature, and I will nix that particular idea.

     One of the son’s girlfriends, a student at a local University, has indicated to me on numerous occasions that there are a multitude of unconventional students in her classes.  Perhaps I should ask her to give them my blog address…

"Calamity Lane"

     I recently invested in EZ Pass.  I really didn’t think I needed it, since I rarely drive on toll roads.  My sons however, have been trying to convince me for years of its convenience, regardless of how infrequently I might use it.  I have vehemently resisted, until a recent near calamity provoked me to sign up that very same day. 

     I was returning from a recent job interview (I am always either heading to a job interview, or returning from one) and I needed to get on the Parkway, which is obviously a toll road. I followed the sign at the toll booth which indicated “change/receipts”, and entered, without ever looking at the signal light, which just happened to be…red.  Realistically speaking, the only reason I did notice at all was because the toll collector was standing in the lane directly in front of my car. . (I guess she’s lucky that I at least saw her.) In a moment of panic, I quickly looked behind me, and fortunately, there was no traffic (a rarity in New Jersey). I had to back up, and enter the next lane, which indicated exact change.  Do you think I had any change on me?  In keeping with my life in accordance with Murphy’s Law, that would be a resounding NO!  Obviously, I had to go through the toll without paying, and then wait to receive the ensuing ticket.  Upon my return home, before removing my coat or walking the dog, I immediately parked my stubborn butt at my computer and signed up for EZ Pass on the spot. 

     I installed and christened it yesterday. As I ponder the ill effects of my legendary stubbornness, I’m wondering why I resisted for so long.  Modern technology certainly has its advantages. 

     Now, if I could only convince my sons to chip in and pay my ticket. Too bad I can’t utilize the ever convenient method of maternal guilt. Unfortunately, I can’t use it this time, because my young men were right!

"Pouting Pooch"

                                                                         

     I don't know what he's so depressed about. He's got the life of Reilly!        
                                                             

"You Bet Your..."

They asked me can I multi-task?

In my mind I responded-you bet your a--!

Multi-tasking is something I know how to do.

I would quickly hire me if I were you!

     Do I possess the ability to multi-task? I’m a woman, a wife (formerly), and a mother, for crying out loud!  Of course I can multi-task!  For instance, after spending a grueling day at the office, multi-tasking, I came home (loaded with groceries) to three children, three dogs, a demanding husband, and aging parents.  I can remember standing at the stove making dinner while balancing a small child on my hip, a batch of cookies in the oven, clothes in the washer, and children sitting at the table asking for help with their homework while clamoring for their dinner. These tasks were accompanied by me straightening up, setting the table,  and putting the groceries away. Besides which, the hubby wants attention and the parents are confused.  Sounds like extreme multi-tasking to me.  Too bad I can’t list these feats on my resume. 

     At that time, I was working in a busy Customer Service Department, with parallel demands.  I could be on the phone with an importunate customer, second line ringing, Emails to answer, paperwork to complete, orders to enter, quotes to do, coworkers requiring collaboration, and an onerous boss standing over my shoulder criticizing me relentlessly.  Oh, and additionally I was simultaneously exuding enthusiasm, charm, and good humor. Can I multi-task?  I have turned it into an art form.

     By the way-I am exhausted from merely writing this post... I think I'll take a nap.

"The Unemployment Blues"

Who would ever expect to wish being older:

I’ve got a bad case of the unemployment blues.

I’m getting depressed after reading the news.

I thought a new job would be easy to find.

Just what was I thinking? I’m losing my mind.

I’m pounding the pavement. I’m working the net.

A new job eludes me. I haven’t found one as yet.

I wish I were older for then I would be

Eligible to receive Social Security.

It wouldn’t be much, but enough to survive.

I would simply get by though, unlikely to thrive.

At least it would relieve me of all of the stress.

Remove me from all of this job searching mess.

"I'm Melting"

                                                                
   
      Every time I think my face can’t fall down anymore…it falls down some more.  My once round, full, “Jennifer Lawrence-esque” cheeks are transforming themselves into jowls as rapidly as an express elevator headed down with no one manning the controls.  My face is beginning to look like soft ice cream on a summer afternoon, folds of soft flesh gently cascading downward, like melting ice cream draped over a sugar cone.  I take pictures of myself pretty regularly, looking for attractive shots that I can post on my blog or on FB.  Recently, while perusing them with my BFF, I opined that I feel as if I aged overnight, that all of a sudden, I am looking so, well, old.  Astonished, she asked me “just how young did you think you looked?”  Apparently not as young as I'd thought...Oh what a world...