"Wire World"

Back when I was a little girl

    Horse drawn carts still traversed my street.

    Now I'm caught up in a wire world.

    Mounds of plastic spaghetti lie at my feet.

    The clutter in my apartment

    Nearly causes me to lose my mind.

    Not the mess of my own making,

    The offensive electronic kind.

    I long for the days of simplicity.

    Before home computers and color TV.

    For the time when relationships were real,

    Not engaged in electronically.

    I was born in the wrong era

    And I struggle with the frantic pace.

    I remember with fondness the days of my youth,

    When the world was a simpler place.

"Silver Alert"

     Every day without fail, as I drive home on Route 287, electronic billboards flash a "silver alert". For those of you who don't know what that is, it means a senior citizen is M.I.A. In an effort to locate the errant senior, the license number and a description of the car appear on signs along the highway.  I have yet to see my license plate number up there. So either I'm not lost, or else I am and no one is looking for me!

"Date With a What?"

     One of my girlfriends recently went on a date with a....casket salesman.  Naturally the conversation

 turned, shall we say, a little morbid.  Rather than being romantic, she considered his wandering gaze more

 like appraising her as a potential customer. During the course of the conversation, she indicated that (when

 the time comes), she intends to be cremated.  He intimated that she would be cutting in on his business...  

 Not surprisingly, their first date was also their last date.   

"Left Handed Compliment"

       Recently, I purchased a pair of embellished stockings.  They were popular when I was much younger, and have made a comeback, as most fashions do.  I wondered (briefly) if they were perhaps too youthful for me.  Since I don't really care about that, I bought them anyway. (Seriously. I still wear hiphuggers, love beads, and shirts embossed with peace signs. And I'm not too proud to shop in the Junior Department to get them.) 

     I wore the stockings to work today, and wasn't one of the twenty-somethings sporting the same stockings.  We smiled at each other with amusement, and I casually mentioned my misgivings about wearing them.  "How old are you?", she queried. "I'm closer to sixty than I care to admit" I whispered . And then I admitted it. "I'm fifty eight."  She subsequently indicated to me that I reminded her of her...grandmother. Ugh! (This conversation gets better.) She said her grandmother looks good for her age too. (That's what you call a left handed compliment.)  She continued, "I'm always telling her if you've still got it, flaunt it." Then she said to me "and girl, you've still got it."  Have I mentioned how fond I am of this young woman?

"Red Faced and Bushy Tailed"

     One of my friends is a master at carving pumpkins.  Her glorious works of art adorn her front porch every October, along with photos being posted on FB for distant friends and relatives to enjoy.  We wait with eager anticipation at the slightest hint of fall, to view her latest, increasingly elaborate, jack o' lanterns.     A recurring problem she has encountered is with squirrels who view her artistic accomplishments as dinner, her intricate carvings, the "presentation"...  Undeterred, she did some online research regarding how to stave them off.  One site indicated that cayenne pepper would do the trick, so she sprinkled generous amounts into each orange orb. The next day, the insides were…you guessed it…gone from the pumpkins.  Once beautiful, the sculptures teetered precariously, like squat, orange Towers of Pisa.  Scanning the yard in search of the culprits, she noticed them nearby.  She recognized them on sight, a drove of red faced squirrels staring at her smugly. Back to the drawing board!

"Back to School"

     School starts tonight, and as usual, I am a wreck.  I made the mistake of double checking  the course description immediately prior to going to bed last night...and...you guessed it!  "I couldn't sleep at all last night. Do do dodo do".*  This course is one of the most intimidating that I've faced thus far.  The course is "Introduction to Business & Technical Writing".  My reasoning when I scheduled this course? I love to write, and I have occasion to write on my job.  Seems like a good fit. Right?  I thought so too, until I took a closer look at what the course entails.  I will be writing proposals, doing analyses, and of course, technical writing.  What was I thinking?!?!?  I hope I'm just experiencing my usual beginning of the semester jitters.  I've been trying to boost my confidence all day today.  I figure that if the kiddies, (who will most assuredly be playing with their Smart phones for most of the evening), can handle the class, I should be able to, considering I'll be focused (provided of course, that I can stay awake), I can already spell and write in complete sentences, and I've been working for over forty years.  I had to have learned something in all of that time.  

     Oh-I almost forgot.  One of my friends (?) cautioned me against doing most of my course work during the first week of the semester. Ha!  I hope I've learned to interpret a syllabus by now!

From "Tossin' and Turnin'" , a song written by Ritchie Adams and Malou Rene

"No Respect"

     My sister came to visit recently, armed with a gigantic bag of Twinkies, the remainder of which she ultimately left with me.  (Although I love sweets, I can't remember the last time I'd eaten a Twinkie!) So, I called to ask her what I'm supposed to do with them.  She suggested I have one a day..."You mean, like a vitamin?"  I queried... I doubt the effects would be the same, although I suspect they would go a lot down easier...

 
      I received an Email from Amazon which included “local deals”.  I usually delete them promptly, unless of course, they include an offer that’s relevant. This one did!  It indicated savings on clothes for college.  The problem with that was…the deal was from Mandee’s.  Apparently Dress Barn is not a common source for “back to school” clothes.

     In a recent post, I was telling you about the sense of hearing in “older” adults, or should I say…lack thereof.  My "Psychology of Aging" textbook indicated that, when conversing with older adults, one should use “Elderspeak”.  “Elderspeak” means reducing the complexity of grammar, using more repetition, speaking more slowly and in shorter sentences.  Sounds to me like  1984-"Senior" Edition... 
 

     "Bozo". "Jaybird". "Boston Blackie". "For this she needs white teeth". "All brawn and no brains". "Step and fetch it". "No neck”.  "Short cake”.  In my youth, these were nicknames that certain members of my family had for some of my boyfriends. Talk about getting no respect! Rodney Dangerfield had nothing on me!

"Decidedly Dumb"

     Sometimes I am so dumb that I even surprise myself.  I met up with a friend the other night for coffee.  She was inquiring how my recently injured foot was coming along.  I happily informed her that it felt just great.  "Have you been doing the exercises the doctor recommended?", she queried.  "Uh...no.  But I do stretch it occasionally..."  (It actually felt so good from the injection the doctor had administered, that I had forgotten I was supposed to exercise.)  By the way, she asked, "do you know how you injured it originally?"  "I do!"  I readily described to her how I believed the injury had happened, in addition to...demonstrating....I actually felt a tearing sensation in the bottom of my foot, quickly followed by a throbbing pain...
     Did I say I'm dumb? As in "decidedly"? As in "with a capital D"?  As in, dumb "to a fault"? At times, dangerously so, I'm afraid... I hope no one else asks me how I injured it...