Blog Evoluton

     After nearly three years, my blog has not exactly turned out as I had expected, or originally intended.  Initially, it was meant to be a parody of my college experiences as a semi-senior citizen.  There is not always enough material to write about in that vein however, so the blog has branched out to cover various other aspects of my life, including my failed attempts at internet dating, my love of movies, my opinions and pet peeves, and life experiences in general.  Pursuing a college education remains an important goal, however, as I am slowly, but surely, closing in on a 2 year degree.   I am currently taking the dreaded government and politics courses that I had procrastinated about, having earned an "A" in the first course, and having the second course scheduled for the upcoming semester.  Quite frankly, I surprised myself by earning that "A", as I absolutely detest politics.  The amount of material was often overwhelming, and I was very skeptical about my abilities in the beginning, as I always am, actually.  At times, wanted to throw in the towel, as the challenge was daunting.  I persevered, though, as this goal is so important to me.  I have made it a priority, and I am determined not to  allow other challenges that I face to interfere with it.  I long for the day when I will be attired in cap and gown, with my sons in attendance as I receive my diploma.  As I receive Emails from the college on the topic of graduation, I am keenly aware that this particular goal is well within my reach, looming ever closer on my horizon.  I expect my graduation will coincide with my eligibility for Social Security.  I'm sure there won't be many in my graduating class able to boast that claim!  Perhaps I will reward myself by retiring!

Resolutions vs. Goals

     I am no longer in the habit of making New Year's resolutions.  I did in my youth, a lifetime ago.  Some of my successful and not so successful resolutions included quitting smoking, drinking less, going to the gym regularly, walking away from a bad relationship.  I have been successful at three of the four, some more than once.  

     I stopped smoking on my oldest son's fifth birthday, nearly thirty years ago.  Of course, it took numerous attempts before I found success.  I also stopped drinking around the same time.  Not that I had a problem-I just went through the youthful phase that most of us experience.  Having children brought that to a screeching halt.  Now I wouldn't touch alcohol if I was paid to.  I am determined to have full control of my faculties at all times, as I remember all too well how drinking to excess hampers one's judgement.

     On relationships, I've walked away from more than I can remember, now living a life of solitude and unbridled independence that I savor, rather like a gourmet meal that I am experiencing for the first time.  I have grown accustomed to being alone, in more ways than one.  It is strange how life changes, and changes me as I grow older.  My priorities have shifted.

     Regarding going to the gym-that is one resolution I have never kept for any length of time, although I was quite disciplined about walking for many years.  Now, however...not so much. 

     What I have done differently for the past five years or so, is to set goals for myself.  Granted, setting goals is something I probably should have started a very long time ago, but then, I always was a late bloomer.  My recent goals have consisted of employment and financial goals, educational goals,  a focus on my writing, and more recently, retirement goals.  Some of my goals that I've set have already been realized, like landing a  job, paying off credit cards, and having gone back to college.  (While  I haven't earned my degree yet, I am well on my way).  My writing has suffered, however,  as juggling work, a commute, and studying, leaves me depleted, both mentally and physically.  That is why I have incorporated increased writing into this year's list.  In years past, I was writing three blog posts per week and poetry on a near daily basis, in addition to my papers for school.  Slowly but surely, that has fallen by the wayside, as I succumb to exhaustion in my free time, having become engaged in a very satisfying love affair with my sofa.  I hardly even write in my journal any more.  However, I mean to change that this year, and revert back to doing that which I love.  The joy of writing sustains me, in good times as well as bad.  Most likely, it will never be a career, but hey, you never know.  I recently read of an eighty six year old woman who was published for the first time, having taken five years to write a novel.  I guess there's hope for me yet!

"Ambiguous Movie Dialogue"

     Watching movies brings me such joy.  There is so much more to them than mere entertainment value.  No matter how many times I've seen a movie (and I believe it's necessary to see a movie multiple times), there is always some new detail to discover and marvel over.  I am now it the habit of deciphering the films I watch, looking for, and often finding, subtle visual effects, obscure details, or the double entendre, which I will touch on now.  I wonder if you can guess what movies these ambiguous lines come from:

1. "Just think how happy your husband will be".

2. "I'm sure his generosity is well represented by his surviving partner".

3.  "You know this city is full of hawks?   That's a fact.  They hang around on top of all the big hotels, and they spot a pigeon in the park...right down on them".

4. "Though you need kissing-badly.    That's what's wrong with you.  You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how".

5. "Just tell them about the end.  It's the part everybody remembers".

6.  "The pleasure does not lie in the end itself.  It's the pleasurable steps to that end".

Answers:

1.  The Painted Veil:  Mother Superior to Kitty Fane on her pregnancy.  Would her husband be happy or not?  It could go either way... I recommend that you see this wonderful film to find out why.

2.  Scrooge:  The humanitarians seeking donations from Scrooge to feed the poor and destitute.  He clearly demonstrated that he was as stingy and uncaring as his deceased partner.

 3. On the Waterfront:  Terry Malloy to Edie Doyle.  Was he talking about actual hawks and pigeons, or the mobsters that hit on stool pigeons?  Consider the opening scene, where Edie's brother was pushed off of a rooftop.

4.  Gone With the Wind:  Rhett Butler to Scarlett O'Hara.  I never thought I was too terribly naive, but I was wrong.  I didn't get the hidden meaning in this line until recently. 

5.  A Summer Place:  Molly Jorgenson to Johnny Hunter on King Kong, or was it ???

6.  Sayonara:  Hana-Ogi to Lloyd Gruver.  She was referring to a Japanese Tea Ceremony-allegedly.

     This is just a sampling, as I am sure there are loads of examples.  If you can provide an example, leave a comment., and I will do the same as I discover more.  Meanwhile, watch a favorite movie for the second or third time, opening yourself up to a world of discovery about the incredible detail involved in its creation.

"Term of Endearment"

    It really bugs me when people say "I could care less", which means I could care less, as opposed to "I couldn't care less", which means I could not care less.  Another example is when someone says drive safe, versus drive safely.  One stands a better chance of staying safe by driving safely. 
     I have always made it abundantly clear that spelling accuracy is very important to me, meaning I  could care less about the subject.  I am  of the opinion that, if spelling is a weakness, one should invest in a dictionary!  I don't mean to brag, but I have always been a good speller.  Nevertheless, being a fallible human, I keep a dictionary on my desk.  (I know-I'm dating myself!)  When I was in grammar school, back in the 1960's, when corporal punishment was accepted, misspelled words often resulted in a thrashing with a poker, meted out by a strong armed nun, in addition to a poor grade, and a probable spanking once you brought the inferior grade home.  Talk about motivation!   Those nuns must be spinning in their graves if they can see what is going on in the schools now...
      I have recently witnessed the most gross misspellings ever:  Dicember  (December),  reepor  (report),  and Wensday  (Wednesday).  Two of the three appeared on an outdoor sign at a local school.  Seriously?  If you can't spell, I should think you wouldn't want to advertise it, especially if you are running a school. And if your spelling is that bad, how are you in that position anyway?  By the way-I don't respond to Emails marked "urget" (urgent), and I would never apply for a job at a company advertising "immidite" (as opposed to immediate) openings.
      I am also anal about the correct meaning of words.  Someone informed me recently that the word "aunt" is a term of endearment. (theoretically it could be, but only if you are not related to the person you refer to as "aunt").  I wanted to be angry with her, but I was too moved by pity.  Daniel Webster did not reside in her home, so I sent her a copy of the latest edition of the Merriam-Webster, with a bright book mark and highlighting at the appropriate page/word. We are no longer on speaking terms, but at least she knows my role.
     I read an article where the author was discussing "glove" warming.  She wasn't referring to placing her mittens on a radiator in winter, but to the phenomenon of global warming.  I don't believe this was entirely her  fault, because if teachers and principals can't spell, as is demonstrated above, how is a student supposed to learn correct spelling or word meaning?   That is not to say that the fault lies solely with the teachers.  I believe that teachers are held far too accountable for students' grades, while students are not nearly accountable enough for their performance.   Additionally, it seems that parents do not provide teachers with proper support when dealing with difficult students, nor do our courts support parents who are dealing with difficult offspring.  I recently read an article about a 21 year old woman who sued her parents, insisting that they pay her college tuition.  The judge ruled in the young woman's favor!  If a person is of legal age, why should his or her parents be compelled to pay for that person's schooling?  I am not in favor of people looking for a handout, be it from their parents, spouses, or the government.  Personally, I find all of the above bewildering.  Don't you?

    

"Not Necessarily Cancer"

     My mother had a theory about test results (I'm not talking school here).  She always said that no news is good news.  She was adamant in her view that, if test results were of a negative nature, the doctor would be in touch quickly.  Her words ring true to me now, as I promptly receive phone calls that I do not wish to receive.  

     I recently discovered a bump on my thyroid and, due to family history, I immediately set the wheels in motion to determine what it is.  Having been experiencing symptoms such as extreme fatigue, interminable hot flashes and weight gain, I was not surprised to discover through blood tests that I have an under active thyroid.  I embarked on a medication regimen that is helping with the fatigue and hot flashes, but I still have to deal with the bump.  My GP ordered an ultrasound, which I promptly scheduled.  In less than twenty four hours, when I saw her number flash on my cell phone, I knew the bump was not a figment of my imagination.  My new endocrinologist was not alarmed, and suggested waiting four months and repeating the test.  However, since my mother died of thyroid cancer, I informed her that waiting to see if the bump grows is not an option. She therefore scheduled a biopsy, an unpleasant little test that didn't so much hurt, but was extremely stressful when, with a needle stuck in my throat, the doctor (without warning) instructed me not to swallow.  Have you ever tried not to swallow?  It is not an easy feat, and I was not in a position to ask him what would happen if I did.  Fortunately, it was over quickly, and I went on my merry way, anticipating the dreaded phone call that I had no doubt would be forthcoming.  My doctor's phone number flashed on my cell phone screen in under forty eight hours.  My heart leaped as I answered, anticipating the news that would not be positive in nature.  She informed me that my bump, technically known as a nodule, contains atypical cells, but that... they are not necessarily cancer.  She didn't seem concerned, but she did take the liberty of consulting with an ENT, and I promptly scheduled an appointment for the following day, the day before Thanksgiving.  He is going to remove the portion of my thyroid that contains the nodule, and it will be sent to pathology for testing.  The subsequent portion of our conversation seemed surreal.  He very plainly stated that, if it is cancer, the entire thyroid will have to be removed.  As in any major crisis in my life, I went numb, electing not to feel or to absorb the potential enormity of that statement.  

     I am planning to have the surgery sometime in late January, a mere few weeks away.  I had previously registered for the spring 2015 semester at school, and I am hopeful that I will not be compelled to withdraw.

     In my first real attempt at compartmentalizing, I have spent precious time with my family and friends over the holidays, attempting to put the upcoming surgical procedure out of my mind.  Judging by my relentless insomnia, I have not been entirely successful.  After the holidays, I will get down to the business of  reassuring my sons and planning for my future, both immediate and long term.  In recent years, I have taken time to reflect at the end of each year, to review my accomplishments, and to set new goals.  An important goal of mine is always to set a positive example for my sons.  This latest challenge will provide me with a host of new opportunities to do just that.

"Bubble Baths With Patrick Dempsey"

     I want Ellen Pompeo's job.  Think about it.  The fortuitous Ellen gets to snuggle with Patrick Dempsey, take bubble baths with Patrick Dempsey, and kiss Patrick Dempsey, all the while getting  paid oodles of money to engage in all of the above.  Talk about injustice!  I sit at a desk, my neck aching from staring at a computer screen all day, my ego bruised and patience tested as customers chew me out relentlessly, eight hours a day, five days a week.  Oh-and did  I mention the minimum ten hours per week I spend commuting?  (Commuting is a joy in and of itself.  Don't you agree?) On a positive note, "extreme customer service" will look better on my resume than "making out with Patrick Dempsey" does on hers.  Still, I'd gladly trade places...

     A few weeks ago, I was seeking a television series to stream on Netflix, wanting one that was more than a half dozen shows, like Happy Valley, but not as many as Breaking Bad, which has sixty two.  I decided on Grey's, which has...one hundred.  I am ridiculously hooked on the show, and continuously get sucked into watching episode after episode as, in typical soap opera fashion, the end of each show leaves me dangling, impatient to see what happens next.  Do you know how long it takes to watch one hundred episodes at forty three minutes each?  I'm embarrassed to admit that I've already invested more hours than an average work week, time spent commuting included.

     The other day I was speaking to my son on the phone, and I indicated I was puzzled because sirens were blaring all morning in my neighborhood, which is typically very quiet.  It was only later that I realized the sirens were...background noise on the show!  Duh...  I have yet to disclose that revelation to my son, who loses patience with me when I get caught up in my incessant streaming.  In my defense, I have not been watching any other television shows.  I have abandoned my (former) favorite show of the past five years, The Good Wife.  I pondered my likes and dislikes about the series, and came to the realization that I was dissatisfied by many of the story lines,  for example, Calinda's criminal husband, and her extreme toughness.  I hold Peter in utter contempt, and I cannot tolerate the fighting and yelling that has become characteristic of the show.  What did I like about it?  I liked Alicia's cleverness, and her professional demeanor.  I admired her strength in rebounding from her husband's very public indiscretions. I relished the unexpected humorous moments, like when Alicia stood atop Owen's SUV to access phone service while out in the wilderness.  And I liked Will Gardner.  I liked Will Gardner with Alicia.  When they killed his character off last year, in the ultimate shocking episode that single-handedly usurped "Who Shot JR?" in shock value, I pretty much knew I was done.  The course that the show has taken, and many of the characters, no longer charm me.  In comparison to the classy Downton Abbey and ever popular Grey's Anatomy, shows which also killed off main characters, I continue to be fascinated by their various compelling characters and story lines. For The Good Wife, however,   I believe that killing off Will was the beginning of the end.  It certainly was for me.

"Living My Life in Reverse"

     So, it has been more than a month since I have written a blog post.  I am so drained at the end of the week, after working, commuting, studying, and blogging for my class, that a lot of the time I can't bear to even turn the computer on when I am home.  About all I have energy left for is streaming from Netflix.  Since it has been so long since I have written, I will be switching gears rapidly throughout this post as I have a lot to say.

     "What do you mean you don't watch Grey's Anatomy?  It's the hottest show on television!"    That is what a friend asked me in astonishment-in 2006!  Well, I couldn't have envisioned it then, but I am now in the midst of streaming the series-all one hundred episodes!  Grey's Anatomy is my new Breaking Bad.  I am hooked.  Last weekend, while studying for an exam, I alternated between watching episodes and studying in 45 minute intervals. I have very little to eat in the house, and my apartment needs to be cleaned, but I got a "B" on my exam, and I find binging on  Dr. McDreamy to be very relaxing.  I need to repeat what I did with Breaking Bad-do a marathon of viewing so that I can get through it and actually have a life again.

      I am now halfway through my government and politics class-the mid-term exam was last week.  I really am getting too old for this s....stuff!  I feel as if I am living my life in reverse.  For the first time ever, I have a long, arduous commute.  I am learning a new job with a complex product line,  I am a college student, taking courses at night after a putting in a grueling day at the office and bucking the Jersey traffic for a few hours.  I am very nearly sixty!  People live like this in their twenties and thirties!  Thank goodness I am no longer of child bearing age, or who knows what could happen.  (Of course, a significant other would be required, but who's got the energy?  Or the time?) 

     Speaking of significant others-I am stiiiiiiiiiill looking for something online.  I don't exactly know what.  I imagine I will know him when I see him.  One fellow made me laugh with his profile comments today.  He's looking for someone to get him off  "this damned internet dating sight"!  Touche!

     Enough with the cell phones already!  It has gone too far when surgeons are taking selfies with their unconscious patients!

      I know I am getting older, because each successive generation becomes more irritating to me.  I'm sorry, but I have no patience for "New Millennium Yuppies", those dressed up kids in their fancy cars, with their slimline laptops and Smartphones.  Call me old fashioned, but I do not consider a day's work to consist of posting comments on social media while streaming the ridiculous Sharknado... (I know it's ridiculous-because I watched it (not in work).  Not all of it-I couldn't get through it. I just had to see what all of the hoopla was about. I went from the ridiculous to the sublime and watched the classic Jaws instead)  My son came to visit that day, and commented that never in his wildest dreams would he have envisioned me watching Sharknado.  To me it was more of a nightmare...

     Speaking of the younger generation, I don't know who finds today's "cantaloupe cleavage" attractive, but they obviously have never seen the exquisitely beautiful Elizabeth Taylor wearing a full slip in the movie Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.   Her attire wasn't open to her waist, with two bulbous masses exposed.  All that could be seen was an inch or two of feminine softness, which was mysterious and alluring.  There is nothing either mysterious or alluring with today's offensive lingerie ads, or movie stars wearing distasteful apparel.  Mystery and romance seem to be a thing of the past.  I know-I am dating myself.  Oh well, no sense in being old unless you show it.