Internet dating, or not, whichever the case may be, is no fun. Still, I persist in joining a loathsome website, wasting both my valuable time and my limited resources. I've only ever had one date, mainly because I'm a snob, not for lack of opportunity. (Am I really a snob, or am I just in denial about my age, as I have professed to be for months?) It's quite a dilemma I'm in. If older men message me, I am disinclined to respond because I can't be that old myself. If younger men message me (and many do), I am immediately distrustful, imagining that they are merely looking for a rich older woman with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I'm not rich...
A friend remarked to me recently about my ability to attract the younger men. From my perspective, I simply attract bad men, and God knows they come in all ages. A forty something had messaged me recently, and I actually found him to be appealing. Not merely because of his semi youthful good looks, but because he loves movies about as much as I do. The problem was that he came on too strong, pushing me to meet him almost immediately. I messaged him, asking a few general questions about his interests. His response? "Do you want to talk on the phone and see how that goes?" He didn't answer one question! So, already he's not listening, and apparently he has his own agenda. Within two or three Emails, I'm already being ignored. What the fudge!
Another thing I have noticed, and which I find particularly amusing, is where the fellow has obviously cut a woman out of his picture. (In one case, it was his wedding picture. Can you believe it?) However, there is more. Most of these types have their status as legally separated. (There is no such thing in New Jersey.) I disregard these types at all costs.
Then there are the guys who look at my picture upward of sixteen times, without sending one message. Are they window shopping? Is it something more perverse? Perhaps they fear intimacy. I know I do.
Additionally, the screen names and self descriptions are sometimes appalling. One fellow calls himself klinks. I immediately scratched him from my list of possibilities, as in my opinion, he either drinks, or he's been in jail. Another calls himself c--lucky. (Use your imagination. I can't even write it!) Just how raunchy can a guy be? Then there is the fellow with a thick shock of white hair, who describes himself as having blue eyes and blond short hairs. (Did I say raunchy?) By the way, I have no intention of ever finding out...
So, how many times can a person get burned before stopping the insanity? I have thirty more days left on my contract, and this time around I have made myself a promise. If I don't meet someone decent within the next month-I'm done. I intend to not only close my account, but to remove my picture altogether, so that I can't get drawn back in. (They indicate you have oodles of messages, but you can't see them without paying. Then when you pay, you have about half the number indicated. UGH!)
I have managed to build a nice little life for myself. I love my apartment, my dog, school, my writing, and, first and foremost, I have been blessed with wonderful family and friends. When I was younger, I dreamed of the life I have now, a life of independence, self reliance, and freedom. Do I really need, or want, some man to jeopardize all that I have worked so hard to achieve? I don't think so.
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