"Younger by the Day"

       You know the phone obsession has gone too far when the meteorologist is posting comments on Twitter instead of providing the weather forecast...

      My sister theorizes that if one is heavier, he or she will tend to look younger.  The way I am gaining weight-I must be looking younger by the day.

     Why do I keep a travel size bottle of hairspray when I never travel?  More importantly, why do I store it beside my bottle of eyeglass cleaner?  You guessed it-I grabbed the wrong bottle when I decided to clean my glasses (I couldn't tell the difference because...I didn't have my glasses on!).  So now my $800.00 glasses have a new kind of scratch coat on them.  Too bad I can't see through it...     

      Have you noticed lately that the only "stars" on DWTS are the professional dancers?

     My friend and I were discussing the importance of the opening line in a book, story , or article.  She then cited Moby Dick, to which I replied "Call me Ishmael".  She was visibly impressed, until I explained that I merely knew the line from hearing it in the movie Matilda...