"Happy Birthday"

     This week, April 23 to be exact, my blog will be two years old.  This is also my 200th post. Happy Birthday 50-Something!

     In the two years since,  I have lost a job, returned to work, continued with my education, moved into my own apartment, and now am coping with the not too far off milestone birthday, which I am already dreading.  I have come to terms with my writing, and realize that I do not have the stamina to really pursue publication.  But I'm okay with that.  I write now more for the pleasure of it, as well as to release and manage my emotions.  I embrace my new life, and adjust to the course that my life has taken, ever grateful for my good fortune, for I feel that I am truly blessed.  I live a simple life, and I am content with it.  I loathe self indulgence, and live within my means.  I don't need designer clothes, a brand new car, the latest that technology has to offer, or lavish vacations.  Let me spend time with my children, see a movie with my BFF, cuddle with my dog, read a good book, cook my favorite meal, witness a beautiful sunrise, and I am happy and filled with gratitude.  I love my apartment and the town I live in.  I value my independence and self reliance.  And above all else, I cherish my sons.  I love them enough to let them go, despite the excruciating pain of it.  As their mother, I encourage them to live their own lives, to pursue their dreams, to do what makes them happy, and not to worry about me.  I still cry when they leave me, but I know that this is how it is supposed to be.  It is my responsibility to allow them their own independence, but to be here for them whenever they may need my support.   

     As I look back on the last 34 years, I cannot believe the speed with with the years have flown by.  If I could only go back in time,  I would love to have spent every waking moment with my children, as  I didn't know that they would be grown up faster than I could blink.  It's unfortunate that life does not really allow us that luxury, however.  Unless a person is independently wealthy,   there are 40 hour work weeks, houses to clean, bills to be paid, laundry to be done, and a spouse who clamors for our attention.  I guess that's why God gives us grandchildren.  The responsibilities of our youth have diminished, and we are able to spend our free time playing with the children.  I, for one, am ready for the next chapter.  Maybe it's time to abandon my resolve and start exerting a little pressure...