"Epitome of Refinement"

     My neighborhood is normally very quiet, a polar opposite of the neighborhood where I lived previously.  In my former town, car alarms were ringing constantly (one night I counted-the same car alarm went off ten times in the first hour after I arrived home from work.  A disgruntled neighbor poking us with a stick, perhaps?)   Additionally, horns were used in lieu of doorbells, music blasted at all hours of the night, and it was not uncommon for folks to start barbequing at 10:30 P.M., usually with a charcoal grill, right under my bedroom window.  One night a few years back, actually the night before Easter, my neighbor, a clean cut, albeit rude, young man, started grilling at 10:30 P.M., and by 12:30 A.M.  I couldn't stand the noise or the toxic fumes any longer.   I called the police to complain about both,  a complete exercise in futility.  Not only did the cops take their time getting there, but they indicated to the neighbors that the noise was "not so loud", helped themselves to a hamburger, and promptly identified the neighbor who called to complain-yours truly.  

     Since plan A didn't work, I progressed to plan B-I tried reasoning with the offensive neighbor.  Well, he promptly informed me, in no uncertain terms, that it was his yard (he rented) and that he would make as much noise as he wanted, whenever he wanted.  I promised to return the favor when I got up at 5:00 A.M., which was daily, weekends notwithstanding.  By the way-did I mention that he was deported two weeks later?  He was illegal...  Talk about nerve!  

     Fortunately, my current neighborhood has far fewer inconsiderate residents, and the police are not nearly as unscrupulous.  Recently, a young woman was leaning on her horn at 12:30 A.M. on a Monday, right outside of all the bedroom windows in my unit.  After the third time, I hurled open my window, and, epitome of refinement that I am, I screamed at her to quit blowing her horn.  Epitome of refinement that she was, she ignored me as if I weren't there, and continued, unabashedly.  I subsequently called the police, and while I was on the phone, Horatia Hornblower continued with her offensive tirade.  The officer inquired if the noise was my doorbell (Heaven forbid that I would have a doorbell that loud).  It wasn't, I replied.  She assured me she would send a squad car promptly.  Next thing I know, the boyfriend comes ambling out, and Amy Vanderbilt (me) screamed again to knock off the noise.  He in turn started hurling obscenities at the young woman at the top of his lungs, ordering her to "shut the fudge up because", and-you're going to love this- "I told you old people live here".  Talk about adding insult to injury!!!  He promptly left when I told him the cops were on their way.   Miss Refinement , apparently as bright as she was considerate,  hung around and became even more insistent with the horn blowing.  Luckily, the police (two squad cars) arrived to hear her, and they took care of the situation.  They promptly escorted her out of there (hopefully in cuffs) without divulging my identity.  

     In the past year since I've been in this apartment, that was only the second incident where tenants (or their guests) awakened me in the middle of the night. Not half bad, in my estimation.   I love my little town, and I appreciate my town's "finest".