"Malamute"

     So I'm back on that damned internet dating site-again!   What's wrong with this picture?  Am I a glutton for punishment?  For one thing, I know they manipulate the system, and consequently, me.  And I fall for it every time!  It never fails-when my membership is about to expire, the messages and page views  all but stop.  However, the minute my membership does expire, voila!  Tons of messages magically appear in my in-box.  Of course, I can't read them or even see who they are from unless I pay up.  Needless to say, my curiosity gets the best of me, and I fork over the dough.  The messages are always disappointing.  Almost exclusively, they are from people who do not have a photo displayed.  I suspect they are phantom members put in place by the site to entice fools like me.  Every time my membership is about to expire, I swear that I am going to call it quits.  I am lacking resolve on this issue, however.

     Quite frankly, in the last two years I've done very little dating and have spent an awful lot of money.  That is mainly because I am so fussy.  I am easily turned off by age (too young/too old), a look, a picture in a distasteful location (bar), or an offensive screen name.  Most of these guys do have screen names, some of which are downright revolting.  Others are original, some clever, or conversely, dumb, and some, shall we say-intriguing?  One fellow calls himself "malemute".  Now, I don't know if he is trying to say "Malamute" but doesn't know how to spell it (an automatic turnoff for me), or if he is a male who is "mute", which, as far as I am concerned, is the best kind.  I am attempting to come up with a discreet way of making that determination, as I spend another evening with the main man in my life-Buddy!

"Designer Dog"

      My neighbor recently purchased a gorgeous puppy, and I do mean gorgeous-with a capital G.  And yes, I do have puppy fever!

     The dog, however beautiful, is rather unusual looking.  He is on the small side, weighing in at no more than ten pounds.  He has long shaggy hair that is variegated shades of brown, and a rather long body.  I inquired about the breed, because, for one thing, I've never seen anything quite like him, and also, I've seen the dog's brother, and they look nothing alike.  In fact, the other dog has very short, dark brown hair, nearly black.  The only commonality is the somewhat extended torso.  Well, the exquisitely beautiful puppy is a Dorkie.  That is-a cross between a Dachshund and a Yorkie.  ( I find this kind scenario somewhat like mixing chocolate and cayenne pepper.  They too, mix unexpectedly well.  I don't know who thought either one up, but kudos to him or her anyway...)  Personally, I'm not crazy about either breed of dog, but the unusual mix  produces adorable pups, quite appealing, and with great potential of becoming  a second pet for me and Buddy.  I was discussing the puppy with my BFF, who is familiar with the breed.  She indicated to me that it is a "Designer Dog".  I had never heard the term, so I googled it.  A "Designer Dog" is a cross between two purebred dogs, and is distinctly, not a mutt.  A mutt is of uncertain ancestry, whereas a "Designer Dog" has documented purebred ancestry.  Curious as to where I could buy one, I googled that too.  One site I found indicated the following: "Designer Dogs Shipped Worldwide".  So, in this day and age, dogs are bred by design (and imagination) and shipped anywhere, rather like a mechanical toy dog that is built, stuffed in a box, and shipped to a toy store. What the fudge!?!?!?!  Gone are the days when your neighbor's mutt had an unplanned litter of puppies and they were farmed out to whomever wanted one.   That's how we always obtained our pups when I was growing up.  At that time, dogs were rarely "fixed", and were kept in the yard most of the time (hence the numerous unplanned pregnancies).  They ate one can of Alpo dog food per day, had annual rabies shots ministered by the city for free, and went to the Vet once or twice in their lifetime, most often when they were quite old...(I don't necessarily agree with all of that.  It's just how it was...)  I imagine I have really dated myself now, but I do long for the good old days, when life was so much simpler.  I think that, after I order  my  "Dorkie" online and receive him in the mail, I will pull down the shades, disconnect my Internet, and curl up on the couch with an old fashioned paperback book, my "Designer Dog" on my lap.